French Fry?
by The Alleycat Ulan
Summary: “Will you marry me?” Will asked earnestly. The mirror, naturally, did not reply. Will has a problem. He can't seem to propose to the woman he loves and Allan's not helping. Or is he? Will/Djaq oneshot AU


Boo! Did I scare you? Probably not.

Anyway about this story, it was inspired by a fanfic I read. "Fench Fry?" by **eloquentsilence**. It's a James/Lily story (Harry Potter) and it is absolutely amazing! Please do check it out!

Thanks to **eloquentsilence **for the inspiration, **eleroo02** and **LittleMissTomboy** for being the awesome prodders they are and of course Kitty (**IDreamOfFantasy**) who first showed me Frenchy Fry? and always puts up with me =P (PS Kitty, if you like it, its your birthday present from me. Yes, I am too energy efficient (lazy) to make cookies like Moi did, so you'll have to live with this)

Yeah...I had heaps of fun writing this so I hope everyone likes it!

Enjoy!

* * *

"Will you marry me?" Will asked earnestly. The mirror, naturally, did not reply.

"Djaq, will you marry me? Will you marry me, Djaq? Will you-"

"Good morning sunshine!" Allan burst through the door in his usual roguish manner.

"-marry me?" Will finished turning to face his long time friend and housemate.

"Sorry, mate, but I'm gonna have to go with a definite no," Allan replied, shrugging amusedly.

"Not you!" Will exclaimed, a blush rising quickly to colour his face, "Dj…" his blush deepened and he tried again, "Dj…"

"Dj…?" Allan teased, "Say it with me; Dj…a…q. Djjaaaqqq. Djaaaq. Djaq,"

Will continued to blush furiously, "Allan!"

Allan laughed, "Oh Djaq! I love you! I want to marry you! And make babies with you-" he ducked the shoe that was flying across the room at his head, "-lots and lots of babies!"

"ALLAN!" Will yelled, throwing the other shoe.

"Ok, ok," Allan said, holding his hands up in front of him, "I'll just leave you two alone now shall I?" He sniggered shutting the door behind him.

Exasperated, Will sighed and flopped onto his bed.

_What if she said no? That'd ruin everything. He wouldn't be able to bare it if that happened… No! He had to remain positive! He loved her. She loved him. Of course she'd say yes…If he ever got around to asking…No! Positive thoughts! _

Will leant over and opened up his bedside draw and pulled out a small black box. Laying back again, he flipped it open to gaze at the ring. It was simple, but he knew she'd like it that way. The gold band wound around itself forming intricate weavings that climaxed around the glinting blood red ruby that formed the centrepiece of the ring.

With a final sigh, Will stood up, stowed the ring away in the draw and went downstairs for breakfast.

* * *

The morning and early afternoon crawled by excruciatingly slowly and Will found himself drowning in a pool of nerves. And then after 3 o'clock, the count down began and then time flew. So quickly in fact, that Will was late home.

"Allan!" He yelled bursting through the door.

"You're late!" Allan called back.

"Yeah I know, I didn't get out until late," Will replied, wrestling his shoes off.

"Here put these on," Allan said coming into the room and throwing an armful of clothes Will's way. Will nodded and began changing where he stood.

"Oi! Don't leave those there! I have people coming around later, what are they going to think when they see men's clothing all over the floor that obviously isn't mine?" Allan protested.

Will glanced up at his friend, "Allan, when you say people you mean pizza delivery boy, what's he going to care?"

Allan shrugged, "It could be a pizza delivery_ girl_,"

Will ignored him and pelted up the stairs to his room to grab the ring.

"Allan, I don't have any clean socks!" Will exclaimed almost tripping down the stairs.

"Not bein' funny but what makes you think I have any then?" Allan replied, but he went into his own room to search anyway. He emerged a few moments later and held out a pair.

"Allan, these aren't clean," Will said.

"I've only worn them twice!" Allan objected, "…or thrice…." Will sighed and pulled them on anyway.

Allan followed Will to the car and watched as he fidgeted uneasily.

"Go for it mate!" Allan said clapping his friend roughly on the shoulder, causing him to fumble and drop the small black box. Will muttered something inaudible and picked up the box, dusting it off. He hopped into the car and drove off as quickly as possible.

"Love you, tiger! Hurry back, don't make me wait too long!" Allan called after him, grinning as the old couple who were walking past stopped to stare at him in disgust.

* * *

Djaq was waiting for him when he got there. The smile that lit her face when she saw him almost made Will drop dead on the spot. Didn't she realise how nervous he was? The smile was not helping in the least bit. Honestly if she kept that up he would be dead before dessert.

"Will, are you alright?" Djaq asked concernedly, coming up to him as he got out of the car.

"Yeah, fine. Sorry, I'm late," He apologised. Djaq smiled, and Will's heart jumped into his mouth and fought for freedom from his flesh body.

They walked into the restaurant together and sat at their regular table. Neither of the pair cared much for fancy restaurants. The Trip to Jerusalem, a small cosy family run business was much more to their taste. When they entered, Tom, Allan's younger brother, called a greeting to them and when Djaq wasn't watching winked at Will. Will smiled nervously back.

They made their way to their usual table which was already set, with nice scented candles and everything.

Will pulled the seat out for her and Djaq made a face, protesting as she always did to any acts of chivalry Will showed towards her.

"Did you put Tom up to this?" Djaq asked, indicating the fancy table setting and the candles.

"You don't like it?" Will asked, looking slightly hurt.

"No, I like it," Djaq said quickly, she hadn't meant to sound ungrateful. To her relief Will relaxed and the conversation flowed from there.

When their meal came, a steak burger with salad and chips for Will and spaghetti bolognese for Djaq, Will felt the moment had come. His mind buzzing, his hands moved of their own accord and he opened his mouth to ask the question that would change his life forever.

"French Fry?"

_Noooooooo!!!!!!! Fail! __How could this happen?! Not again!!!!!!!! Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

In his mind Will imagined a little stick figure with a label that read "Will" smacking its head against a brick wall while in the physical world his traitorous right hand held out a chip while his traitorous mouth smiled pleasantly. For a moment Will considered cutting off both offending appendages with the butter knife that sat by his so-far-non-traitorous left hand.

"French Fry?" Djaq laughed accepting the accursed foodstuff. Will managed a lopsided smile.

_Wh__y?!?!?!? French fry!? Since when am I American?! How could this be happening!!!! _The stick figure labelled "Will" hit its head harder and with even more conviction.

"It's Allan's latest craze," he said. It was a fairly plausible excuse, after their mutual friend was renowned for his ever changing eccentric obsessions.

"Ah." Djaq said, accepting his explanation.

For the rest of the meal the stick figure inside Will's head continued to assault a wall with its head.

* * *

"I'm home," Will called dully, less than enthused by the evening's turn of events.

"Hello," Allan called back absently from the lounge room. Will could hear the tv blaring in the background.

"Allan!" Will whined, sticking his head into the room in search of sympathy.

"Yeah, nice mate, but listen, can ya keep it down a bit. I'm trying to watch tv," Allan replied, his eyes glued on the screen. Will almost screamed in frustration, and grabbed the remote and hit off.

"Hey!" Allan cried, twisting around to face Will for the first time.

"Allan, porn is not tv," Will stated tiredly.

"It is…not really is it?" Allan asked in defeat, then he realised, "Hey! Why are you back here?" Seeing the look on Will's face he grinned smugly, "Another fail?"

"It's not funny," Will grumbled, walking into the kitchen. His search for sympathy had been in vain and really he should have known better.

"That's forty-two times," Allan taunted, following Will out of the lounge room.

"Shut up!"

"Remember that time when I was there to make sure you said it and you said asparagus? And you didn't even have an asparagus!" Allan laughed.

"Allan," Will groaned, slumping onto a kitchen stool. He needed no reminders of his ineptitude. He buried his head in hands. Allan plonked beside him turning quickly from a taunting friend to a caring one.

"Not bein' funny mate, but really how hard can it be? It's a bare two word minimum and you ask me every morning," Allan smiled, he had known Will since high school and in that time he learnt exactly how to cheer up his friend.

"That's not the same," Will said, his voice muffled by his hands.

Allan stood up; feigning hurt, "Are you saying that I'm not as attractive as Djaq? Or that I'm not as lovable?"

Despite himself Will looked up at his friend and smiled tiredly.

"G'night Allan," He said walking up the stairs.

Allan smirked to himself; Mission Successful. "Good night tiger! I love you!" Allan called after his friend.

* * *

Allan liked sleep. He liked it very much. It was so cosy and warm and nice, curled up in a nest of blankets. So peaceful, so nice and warm and cosy and-

The doorbell rang.

Allan cringed under the blankets and pulled his pillow over his head. Not bein' funny but who the hell knocks on people's doors at- he glanced at the clock- 10 in the morning?!

Allan was not a morning person.

The doorbell rang again.

Allan ignored it hoping that either Will would answer it or that the person would get bored and go away. And maybe get hit by a bus in the process so that they would learn not to ring doorbells at 10 in the morning.

The doorbell rang for a third time.

Allan muttered a few choice curses and stumbled to the door in naught but his boxers. As far as he was concerned anyone who visited at the ungodly hour of 10 in the morning on a Saturday would get what's coming to them. Not that he thought he looked unattractive in boxers. In fact, Allan realised as he reached the door, he was actually rewarding the person.

Dammit.

"What?" Allan drawled rudely swinging the door open.

Djaq raised an eyebrow, "Good morning Allan," she said, apparently unfazed by the sight.

"Oh, it's you." Allan made no attempt to cover himself but instead swung the door open and ushered her in.

"Is Will ok?" Djaq asked concernedly, "He seemed a little odd last night."

"Oh, so you come around Saturday morning to see him but not me?" Allan asked, once again feigning hurt.

Djaq smiled and punched him lightly on the shoulder, "Allan," she said sternly.

"Fine, fine," Allan replied, "I'll go up and let him know you're here,"

"Thanks,"

Allan smirked as he crept up the stairs, his trickster mind making plans. He tiptoed to Will's door, pressed his ear against it and sure enough wedding proposals reached his ears.

Sniggering Allan went back down the stairs.

"Go right on in." Allan told Djaq with a bow, she smiled her thanks and headed up the stairs.

Allan followed a discreet distance behind.

* * *

"Will you marry me?" Will asked earnestly. As always, the mirror offered no reply. "Will you marry me, Djaq? Djaq, will you-"

Djaq opened the door, not thinking to knock.

"-marry me?" Will turned to her, realised it was her and froze, blushing bright red. Djaq stared back at Will, just as frozen and just as red.

Allan watched on from behind Djaq, smirking while he recorded the entire thing on his phone.

"I'm sorry-" Djaq began while at the same time Will said; "I thought you were Al-"

They both broke off into silence once more.

Then Djaq said incredulously, "You thought I was Allan?"

Allan struggled to keep from laughing out loud.

"No!" Will replied, switching his eyes to the ground and scuffing his feet, the spitting image of a child caught with their hand in the biscuit jar, "well…yes…"

"You were planning to ask Allan to marry you?" Djaq continued in that same tone.

"No!" Will exclaimed, "I was going to ask…"

"Who?"

Will replied with a incoherent mumble.

"Who?" Djaq pressed.

"…you…" Will mumbled staring hard at the ground.

Silence.

Will risked a glance up. Djaq was staring at him, stunned.

He knew it, she would never ever consider-

"I'm sorry, I-" he began.

"Yes!" Djaq interrupted.

"What?" Will asked, now it was his turn to be stunned.

"Yes, I'll marry you, Will Scarlett," Djaq said, hugging him tightly.

"Really?" Will asked, still too dazed to quite believe this wasn't a dream. (Or maybe concussed caused by the repetitive hitting of one's head against a wall, either way)

"Yes," Djaq repeated.

Will twirled her around gently, before kissing her.

Allan stopped recording and shut the door quietly and snuck down the stairs before things got above PG.

* * *

"And that's how your parents ended up with a little monster like you," Allan finished, poking the little girl on the nose. She giggled and looked up at him with big brown eyes.

"I'm not a monster," she objected hugging him around the neck, "Sometimes you call me a cutie pie."

"You're a cute monster, then. My most sincere apologies." Allan replied gallantly scooping the five year old up and carrying her across the room to her bed, "Now quick go to sleep before your parents get home and tell me off for letting you stay up past your bedtime."

"Don't worry I won't tell them," she promised.

"That's my girl," Allan nodded tucking her in tightly.

"G'night, Uncle Allan."

"G'night monster."

Allan switched the light off and made for the door.

"Uncle Allan?"

"Yes, monster?"

"What's porn?"

* * *

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If I not happy, then I will break into song to make myself happy. Trust me, you DO NOT want me to break out in song. So if you value your ears review. hehe lol =P


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